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 Yu-gi-oh! Duelist soul chapter 30:The round robin begins.

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Kitty Mew Mew
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PostSubject: Yu-gi-oh! Duelist soul chapter 30:The round robin begins.   Sat Apr 04, 2015 8:18 pm


Nevermore...nevermore..nevermore. These words echo as heavy breathing spreads across the dark room. This voice continues to speak as a tall man wearing a white suit and mask stares at it. ''Soon you will be reborn my lord,''said the man as he kneels before it.

(new opening: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dnYnX2WkSCk )

Jolting out of his room, Yusuke runs towards the entrance of his apartment before he is stopped by Yasmin. ''You better wait for me you jerk,''said Yasmin as she stands infront of him. ''Well get your duel disk and deck ready, because today is the day of the world tournament,''said Yusuke as his voice radiates pure joy. ''You seem to be in a good mood,''said Gabriel as he sips on his tea.

''Why wouldn't I be, I've been waiting for this chance for years,''said Yusuke as he jumps up in joy. ''Well don't forget to be on the look out for our enemies,''said Gabriel as he places his tea down. ''Do you really think they will use the tournament in order to execute their plan?''asked Yasmin.

''This tourney is the perfect chance to work in plain site,''replied Gabriel. ''Don't worry, I have a feeling that we can stop them,''said Yusuke as he rushes out of the door. Chasing after him, Yasmin runs out of the door while putting on her duel disk.

Inside of a small plane, Ryu sits down while waiting for the plane to land. Taking his deck out, Ryu looks over all of the cards he has and places them down in specific order. Looking at Beelze, Ryu smirks as he puts it back into his extra deck. ''You will be the card that brings me to the finals,''said Ryu as Vladimir puts his hand over his shoulder. ''How is my rising star doing,''asked Vladimir .

''I want you to keep track of Yusuke's progress during the tournament,''commanded Ryu as he puts his deck into his duel disk.
--------------------------------break------------------

''Ladies and gentlemen,''announced a swirly haird man wearing a checkered suit,''The round robin segment will begin in ten minutes, because of this all duel disk will be disabled till then.''

''HEHEHe..this will be fun,''said Zeke as he sits on a park bench near the center of the city. ''Why are you lazily sitting around,''asked Asura. ''This is my only time to chill before the bloodbath,''replied Zeke as he laughs manically. ''Just remember our mission, only kill your chosen targets and infect everyone else,''said Asura.

Over at the edge of the city, Noah looks over his deck while War fixes his. ''Why do we need to enter this tourney Noah,''asked War as he flops onto the floor. ''For one we need to beat the princes but we must get stronger,''said Noah,''besides you could use the improvement.''

---------
''One more minute before the tourney,''said Yusuke as he stands proud above the car he is standing on. ''So I guess we split up when it starts,''said Yasmin as she is cut off by the reeving of a d-wheel. Looking behind himself Yusuke sees Keith speeding towards them. ''Hey Yusuke,''said Keith as he stops his d-wheel right infront of him,''Good luck on the tourney man.'' ''Same to you man,''said Yusuke as he fist bumps Keith.

Right there a massive bell rings signaling the starts of the round robin. Every duelist runs across the city trying to find the oppenant they will face. Keith, Yasmin and Yusuke split up and run around looking for other duelist.

''There has to be someone here..,''said Yusuke as he is cut off by Kizaru standing before him. ''Duel me...,''said Kizaru in a deep emotionlss voice. ''Something isn't right here,''said Yusuke as he noticed the entire city feels empty.

''Your in the field of kings,''said Kizaru,''I am one of the many harbingers of the princes.''

-----------------------------to be continued-----------

chapter 31:The fake prince
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PostSubject: Re: Yu-gi-oh! Duelist soul chapter 30:The round robin begins.   Sat Apr 04, 2015 8:27 pm

DBZ. I've lost faith.

Moving on, I won't go into all the details, but a lot of the grammar is off. Perhaps invest into an editor of sorts? I'm sure many would be willing to do it, and often times having a second person to look over your writing can help in finding all and any errors.

My only other issue was the confusing nature of the chapter. For the most part, it made sense, but the very end seemed to be off; they just happened to walk into an empty city, despite the fact it probably should have been bustling with activity due to the tournament. Perhaps add some description of how or why it was empty(ed), as well as some description of Kizaru's reveal.
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PostSubject: Re: Yu-gi-oh! Duelist soul chapter 30:The round robin begins.   Sun Apr 19, 2015 4:32 pm

Staph being a grammar nazi valky D:

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